That’s me. It is done. Treatments are complete. I got the results from my scan back and they couldn’t see any traces of cancer! Great news. But just as I felt genuinely unlucky to get diagnosed, I feel lucky to have these results. Don’t anyone dare think I fought harder than anyone else and ‘won.’ The fighter quotes are for marketing purposes and they do a great job. There is nothing brave about having a disease. How you react to it, manage your emotions, deal with your anger and face what life throws at you is entirely your choosing. That’s perhaps where the bravery occurs and I can assure you that I am not the most brave warrior people think I am. I am only better because of the family and friends I have surrounding me. Especially my fiancee who has figuratively held my hand all through this with one big smile on his face to keep me happy. There has been so many times where I had to question the root of my negative emotions in order to deal with them.
Let Death be jealous that you lived and live on.
I am signing off from this blog as I am moving on and putting this behind me. The Cancer Centre doors closed behind my back. The drugs administered, lasers beamed, the midnight bloods taken. The blue and white gowns, the scars to prove my battles, the welcomed fluffly hair growing o’top my head. And I couldn’t be more relieved. THANK YOU for every hug, every I LOVE YOU, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS, every plan made beyond my hospital appointments. Every cake baked, every message sent, every photo liked. Thank you for every coin donated, every tea brewed and for Spencer. I thank all y’all for being my bookends, my mountains as walked through this valley. For keeping my chin up, for my quilt and the bed to lay in. I’ll leave you with some epic quotes and a poem that I rattled around in my brain when it got tough…
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses
your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its
heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the
daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem
less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons that
pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the
winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the physician within
you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy
in silence and tranquillity:
For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by
the tender hand of the Unseen,
And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has
been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has
moistened with His own sacred tears.
The Uninvited Guest - Cervical Cancer 